Tag Archives: despair

Binge

After Son got divorced from his wife, he went on a shopping binge. He was depressed at the turn his life took. Suddenly he had no money, deep in debts (his ex had carefully planned it, while she was plotting for divorce), no home (that he left to his children, and ex), she got the custody of children, plus all his pay went into paying support. While his debts mounted, his tax return spiraled up since he was single again. Son was in deep misery.

Then he came, and got me to live, and take care of him. I went into despair of my own at the turn his life took. It was totally unexpected. I had to literally pull him from the deep dungeon of sorrow where he was buried, plus keep my own sanity. I aged overnight, and started looking a scarecrow.

Both of us have come a long way from 2015, when it happened. Son would go out, and buy things which he didn’t really need. It was a time when he had to budget carefully, and he was going the opposite way. He was getting mired in more debt, and had stopped caring at what would be the end of it.

He would buy, and I would think of ways to return the items he bought. Thankfully we both try to curtail our spending. I point out when he tries to buy something which is totally unnecessary. He does the same with me. Yesterday I got enamored at a shop with two covered small dishes– one of my weakness is buying crockery I don’t really need, and thought my life would be over if I didn’t get them. Before that I fell in love with a Bonsai plant in another shop. I’m feeling nostalgic, remembering the plant.

I didn’t buy the aforementioned things, cause Son pointed out the futility in case of the dishes as we don’t have any cupboard space in our tiny kitchen. I already have plants which need caring, and are going to get neglected, cause of my absence when I go to visit my daughter. Why subject another one to negligence?

I got the idea, but am getting pangs of heartache at not buying that beautiful bonsai. It would have certainly brightened my world.

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Catapult 

In my nightmares I am catapulted to the year I lived in uncle’s home. It wasn’t even a year, only ten months. When father died, my two younger brothers, sister and I were underage. The court granted custody to our older paternal uncle as a guardian. Our this uncle was married to our maternal aunt. 

I escaped uncle’s home by accepting marriage to my late husband, but my siblings had a prolonged, miserable living with uncle, and his family. Sometimes my sister, and I reminisce about those times in our lives. She has terrible nightmares, worse than me. 

In my dreams, I am back in uncle’s home. Aunt is glaring at me, and telling me off. The feelings of dread, and despair weighs down my heart, and I’m back to an unhappy existence.

I wake up, and feel totally disoriented, “Where am I?” Then the realization strikes that I am no longer living that life. I feel happy, and breathe a sigh of relief. It has been many years, but the dream still occurs. 

In my world sorrow, and happiness exists side by side.

DAILY PROMPT

Catapult

Write a new post in response to today’s one-word prompt.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/catapult/

Will I Survive?


Smooth was the tongue with which she talked

I was taken by it before I knew

Wish I had known to save myself

From the misery that would follow through

The anguish I feel is like daggers drawn

Piercing me in several spots

With my heart ripped into pieces, blood drips unseen

The pain manifold, I never sought

Broken down and depressed is how I feel

Wasted love, wasted years have gone down the drain

Despair and exhaustion runs through my veins

Will I survive, will I remain?

(Sheen-June2016)

This poem I have penned is in lieu of my son, and what he is going through at present.
Daily Prompt: Smooth

Write a new post in response to today’s one-word prompt.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/smooth/

Why Everyday?

  

Why everyday my daily prompt brings on despair

What to think, and what to write

Why do I wait for the prompt to come

Why do I get disappointed each day
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/fearful-symmetry/

Fearful Symmetry

Pick a letter, any letter. Now, write a story, poem, or post in which every line starts with that letter.

Loneliness is a Foe

Cut Off
by Michelle W.
When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?

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Loneliness is a foe to be kept at bay

It can lead one to acute despair

You have to keep it banishing everyday

With books to read, and works you prefer

Sometimes succeeding, other times not

You can’t give in to what you fear

What I do is to keep myself busy

With good thoughts, and my daily prayers

Then there is my God, who watches over me

He buoys me up, and keeps me in good cheer

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/daily-prompt-7/

Hope Shines

Tourist Trap
by Michelle W.
What’s your dream tourist destination — either a place you’ve been and loved, or a place you’d love to visit? What about it speaks to you?

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Aya Sophia from inside — the names Allah, and Muhammad (peace be upon him), and picture of Jesus, and Mary. Photo: thanks to FJ

At the moment my deepest wish is to get back to Peshawar. Only God knows when it’s going to be fulfilled. I hope it’s soon Insha’Allah (if God wills), Ameen.

Knowing myself, I can predict that soon after reaching my dusty, old home town, I will be fed up with load shedding, and other problems.

I have been waiting to visit Turkey, and Malayasia during my husband’s lifetime, but it was not to be. I got raving accolades about Turkey from one acquaintance. From another it was a complete no-no. Both had their own experiences. So I don’t know what to decide.

One thing I know for sure is, I will try to co-ordinate the visit with my daughter. I don’t want to go on my own. For me it will be scary going alone to some place. She has not divulged which place she is likely to visit this year. Last year it was UK. I should remember to ask her on my next phone call.

I did make her promise that I will be included on the Turkey trip. So maybe I make it Insha’Allah.
Wishful thinking, and high hopes indeed!

However dark the surroundings it seems now

Hope shines brightly in my space

It will keep me from dark thoughts, and despair

Finally leading me to eternal peace

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Sultan Ahmet Mosque, and Hagia Sophia
Photos credit: FJ (the photos are from his visit to Turkey, last year)

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/tourist-trap/

First Heartbreak

DAILY PROMPT
First!
Tell us about your first day at something — your first day of school, first day of work, first day living on your own, first day blogging, first day as a parent, whatever.

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Your words are like stones, they have hit me hard

I am hurting, just leave me behind

My heart is breaking with all your lies

Leave me alone, I want to hide

Why the sound of loud drums beat into my ears

Why? what you have said fills me with despair

Why does my heart hurts so much

Why am I breaking slowly into layers

A tired broken spirit

what others may see

I don’t want anyone to know

What your words have done to me
(Sheen)

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/first/

No prompt, and no connecting with the grid—my efforts doesn’t matter!😩