Don’t Whisper In My Ear

Daily Prompt: Locked and Sealed
Can you keep a secret? Have you ever — intentionally or not — spilled the beans (when you should’ve stayed quiet)?

I could manage secrets, but not now. Why?
My stomach is full to the brim, and I can’t manage anymore.

So please, please don’t tell me a secret. I am likely to spill it out, and then you will want to chop off my head. How will I exist without a head?

For the sake of my own safety I implore you, don’t burden me with your secret.

At present in my life there are two people (shh…shhsh..don’t tell; my sis, and my daughter), who like to tell me……..and it begins with, “Promise you won’t tell anyone?”

Me, “I don’t want to promise. If you want to tell me, tell! Or don’t tell me.”

“No! You have to promise otherwise you are going to tell so, and so……..the list goes on.”

Me, “Then don’t tell me.”
They know me well enough. Till now I have never created a rift between two people by saying what someone else said. I have no intentions in starting now.

A secret may slip unintentionally without meaning to. I would like to keep my sanity intact. Please keep your secrets.

Don’t whisper in my ear.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/locked-and-sealed/
http://wp.me/p23sd-njA

Forgiveness

I always pray for my dear ones and those whom I like. Sometimes I stop remembering those people in my prayers who hurt me with their words or deeds. I know I shouldn’t do it. I feel guilty all the time. Somehow my heart does not forgive easily. I do try to tell myself that God forgives so many of our mistakes. God loves those who FORGIVES.

I should BETTER myself but somehow forgiveness doesn’t come easily to me. It sounds terrible, doesn’t it? 😞

Anyway I hope I get over this trait of mine some day. Amen.

My Favorite Prayer

ربنا فغفرلنا ذنوبنا و كفر عنا سياتنا و توفنا مع الأبرار

ربنا و آتنا ما وعدتنا علا رسلك و تخذنا يوم القيامته

انك لا تخلف الميعاد

Translation

Our Lord, forgive us our sins, and wipe out our evil deeds and make us die with the truly pious

Our Lord, fulfill what you promised us through Your Messengers, and disgrace us not on the Day

of Resurrection; indeed You never go back on Your promise

Quran, chapter 3 Al Imran, verses (ayats) 193-194.

Give Me A Kiss

Last year in May, we went to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. I needed surgery, and was in a pretty bad shape. My husband accompanied me. Although he was weak, and gravelly ill from cancer, he could not let me go alone. He was undergoing chemo, after his stomach had been removed earlier in February. Sadly he is no longer alive to watch over me. I had a Laparoscopic surgery at King Fahd Hospital by Dr.Al Sary. I had Pelvic Floor Repair done, (Sacral Colpopexy) and another procedure, where a sling was placed. Six years before, I had open surgery for the same problem in Rawalpindi.

I had my (much) needed rest at my daughter’s home. Both of us were sick, and couldn’t tolerate noise. The younger ones, TJ and M4 generated a lot of screaming and crying, more so from M4. It would get pretty intolerable at times. My left ear drum had ruptured, and I would cover my ear, when M4 would start screaming, in a fit of childish tantrum. One day in desperation, I shouted at her and told her to be quiet.

I never knew that she had Memory of an Elephant. This year, when I visited KSA again, M4 would not come near me. Whenever I tried to hug her or kiss her, she would run away. One night on a drive, she was seated next to me. She was prattling on to M2 in a sweet way, and in a rush of affection, I tried to hug and kiss her. She squirmed away from me. So, I asked her, “how can I get a hug from you? If I say sorry, will that do?” She thought for a while and said I could be “Forgiven” if I could say hundred times “Sorry.”

I started my punishment, “I am sorry.” I eventually finished it, turned to get a hug and a kiss, but she twisted away. I told her that she has gone back on her promise to forgive me. Pat came a reply that I should continue saying, “I am sorry” till we reach, where we were going.

I was not, “Forgiven.”

M4, Virginia.

Gone!

I saw him standing in white clothes. I am seeing him exactly after a gap of two months. Joyfully I rush forward and put my arms around him to hug him tightly. “You are not going to leave me, are you?” Smilingly, he promises,” No never.”
But he is gone and never holds on to his promise. I wake up and realize it was just a dream. Tears stream down my face whenever I think back to Aug 2, 2012 the day the sky and everything around me turned black. My husband embarked on this day on his final journey. He was suffering from Signet Ring Carcinoma of stomach, the worse type of cancer imaginable. I used to block thoughts about his impending death to hold on to sanity.
Friends and relatives say he was a person who graced any occasion with his presence there. He was always smiling but cancer took away his smile.
He is gone but in a way he is still there for me. He is there in the smile of our son, the sounding of his footsteps and his voice. He is there in how our daughter conducts herself. She is really a chip of the old block and in so many ways resembles him.
I know he will be there when I begin my final journey.

On the road to Chitral, Pakistan

Twilight outside my home